It’s been a week in Vermont. Feels good to not have anything better to do. There’s a palpable weight lifted from my shoulders already. It’s not that I’ve given up, but more that it’s clearer what to do to contribute. It’s less complicated. I could say it’s mostly just practicing being present, so that it’s easier to be present anywhere.
I’ve been working out all sorts of nervous energy on Rails code. In some sense it seems like wasted effort, but in another sense, maybe it’s helping me resolve some of my stuff around programming.
Another thing that’s happened is I’ve resolved to get strong. There’s an hour of vigorous exercise scheduled each day, and I’ve signed up for Freeletics.
There’s all sorts of compare-and-contrast going on with my experience in 2013. Then, chanting was my least favourite part of the day. Now, it’s my favourite. Then, I was way more worried about whether I’d have enough time to study math and programming. Now, I’m more worried about spending too much time distractedly studying.
Compared with my month last November, there’s less desperation and energy for practice. I mean, there’s still a healthy amount of desperation, but it feels different—to have one month in which to do it or else it wouldn’t get done, with my old self assuredly waiting for me; compared with now, to have only the simple urgency of not wanting to waste a moment.
This is my first break day. I’m hanging out in cafes around Burlington. Tonight I go dancing in Shelburne.
I miss my Interaxon family quite a bit. I also miss my hacker family, and my biological family. I think of you often. I hope with this practice I can be of some help to you.